~.~.~.~
I have a bit of dilemma of choice about what I want for my future. I really can't decide as I know to choose to be in the management, I will need to face with the ugly heart of human. Something that I keep on avoiding. I find it really hard to believe, you can smile to a person and in the same time planning on how to get him kill. You can call a person as friend when you actually trying to screw his life for your own personal gain.
But I know I am a bit running out of time. The world will continue to move on and even if I do not wish to be a part of it, it still happening around me and I maybe inside it without me knowing. Getting screw......
My parent health is not as good as before. Unless I wish to see them die faster, it will be more realistic to find more money and save for the future. For their medical fee.
Earth
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Earth, is a place where all human live in it and we always feel we have the power to control it. Power to claim anything in earth as our belonging. But if we think from another angle. We imagine earth that we live as a stomach. And we all inside the stomach so that means we are the germ, bacteria and virus. We try to live with the undissolved food in this stomach and at the same time hurting this stomach by our activity. Yes we cannot stop it because we cannot live without it (Example drilling petroleum). But what will the stomach owner do in such a situation? They will find a way to kill the bacteria, germ and virus in the stomach. And thus earthquake, el nino and various natural disaster you can think of.
We all is so small and so powerless in the face of Mother Nature. And each time when natural disaster happen, we start to question, is it the end of the world? Of course the latest disaster is the Japan 9.0 Earthquake that causing tsunami to all region of Pacific Ocean. People fear that this is just beginning of the arrival of 2012. For me, the question is not whether 2012 will be the end of the world or not. I feel 2012 must be the end of the world, because I really don't see future in this world anymore.
Movie, drama or comic when face with this question of future of this world, normally will answer with their belief of a beautiful world of the future. A world of peace and harmony. With robot helping human in daily task. With machine that is so magnificent that can done a dozen of things for us. But seriously, are we to continue stay at earth and continue to utilize all of the earth? If we think about the stomach and germs, I will say lets 2012 be the end of the world.
Life
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As I grow older, a lot of movie that I will find it boring at my teens, is more and more interesting. Because life experience have make me matured. Or perhaps this is part of aging?
Anyway, what is life? To my parent, they always feel life is about growing up, be useful to the society. Study hard so that you can get a good job. Earn money to support the family. And then find a girl to fall in love, get married. Have a few children and teach them the same things that parent teach me. And this is how I grow up. Study first so no love relationship during study time. It is true I never date with any girl during study time. Never hold girl hand and walk at the shopping complex. (Well I still have hold girl's hand because of extra curricular activity etc)
And then grow up, graduate university wearing the square hat.(It should be call Mortar Board but to most Malaysian Chinese, we call it square hat) And get fired from my job as a student. A job that I have hold for 14 years. I wonder why we cannot put that as "working experience" when we go for job interview. :p
So next step is to be in the society, be useful to the society. That is to find a job and do something. And so I started work as a programmer. But whenever I explain what I am doing, they don't really understand. Even at certain times I wonder what I am doing will benefit the society or not. Anyone who is working will understand this because a lot of times we really are doing stupid things that we know is so wrong but we cannot stop doing it. Reason? The boss ask us to do it. And what boss say is highest order for a very logical reason. They are the one that pay our salary. And so I have the idea, it doesn't matter what I am doing will benefit this society or not. It doesn't matter if anyone will understand what I am doing or not. I just need to do it and let the time pass. Very fast a day will be gone, and then weekend arrive. And then the pay day. And you will be wondering what have you done that you deserve the salary you are getting.
So now my idea of life is not to care the meaning of life or find a logical answer to what is life. Just make sure you are alive, doing work and getting the pay on time. A very different world from what I understand when I am a kid. Now, we will get the money we want as long as we are willing to work. Anyone who tell you no, say F**K YOU to that person. Because everyday in your newspaper you will find recruitment section that show people are hiring. They need people to do the job. Problem is whether you can do the job and you want to do the job or not.
For example a factory engineer may state that it need someone with 5 years working experience. So you do not have that experience and there goes your chance to get that job. Right? WRONG. I say earlier, you will get job as long as you willing to work, so just go thru that recruitment and you will find the lowest rank of job available such as pizza delivery boy, janitor, supermarket cashier etc.
Work from the bottom and when you get the experience you will understand the so called Factory Manager that need 5 years of working experience is shit. It just basic knowledge of mechanic and machine will do. Not some job that need to be done by professor and master. And then you will realize all the 5 year ago that you work so hard earning a penny a day is so damn stupid. Those manager have been screwing you, asking you to do stupid and wrong thing while at the same time earning 10 times of what you are earning.
Yes that is what I learn and notice now after working hard for the last few year. So now what is meaning of life? To me, life is nothing but on how to screw the life of other people. The more people you can command, you can screw, that means the higher you are at the pyramid of power. And that is what life is all about. Give birth and teach your children etc is really unnecessary. Depend on how you feel about it. You can continue to live even if you are single. Coz when you are at the higher level of the pyramid, you can always ask people at lower level to accompany you. And they will be people that do it, without you asking them. Ever see a "yes man" that follow the boss anywhere the boss go and be their dog? Those are what people of lower level is doing to go to upper level.
When I am kid, I always heard adult say, life as kid is the best. Now I understand because a simple McDonald meal will make me excited when I am a kid. Now even an abalone meal may not cheer me up.
