Season of Marriage

Seems like more of my friend decided on their partner for life. Last weekend, I attended 2 wedding dinner for my friend. And in the dinner, I heard 2 more friend that is arranging their wedding. Either registered, or accepted their bf proposal.

See them one by one walking to the "graveyard" of love, I kind of envy and jealous. Where is mine?

I start to believe, love is not a logic thing. Not a mathematic equation. You can't explain in term of science or using reasonable words. Just like you never know why you are not the one for him/her. You just know that you and him/her is not fated. Not destined for each other.

So my mom keep ask me why no date anyone, I can only say my yuen fen not yet arrive.

Oh yeah, I did pray at Taiwan temple, ask for a sign again. This time the answer I get is "marriage going to be late".

Taiwan Trip

Have a very special birthday this year. Spend the birthday in Taiwan. Although do not have any birthday cake but a lot of people wish me in Facebook.

The photo for Taiwan trip is too many to upload all here.
I will just upload those that is panaroma shot and the rest you need to find in my Facebook.

3 more days....

3 more days and it gonna mark 2 years have past.

Have I die heart yet? I guess yes but I really can guess only. I don't know what I will really feel or do if I see her again...

My Mom always nag me and ask me to find a girl friend.
But I wonder can I really love anyone anymore? Feel like I am avoiding love.

Some people say each person must find 2 person first before getting married with the 3rd person. One person is the one that love you the most and the other person is the one that you love the most. It is say only after you learn how to be love and how to love, then only you can get married and happily ever after. I have meet both. The one that love me the most, "Ah Sia". And the one that I love the most, "Kai Mui".

So if really this third person appear will it be happily everafter? Right now I doubt I can even confess love to anyone even if that person appear. If she is the one, then God need to arrange for her to say that she love me too. Else I won't know.

3 more days, and it gonna be 15 November. Last year I try cheer myself up with expensive handphone gift. Doesn't work too well. This year, I will try oversea trip. Hope it will work.

Taiwan, wait for me, I will come. And please pray for a good weather. No typhoon or earthquake please....

Ear surgery update...

The doctor say my ear hole is slowly covered by the new skin that grow inside my ear.
He perform a small internal surgery. Cut my skin without me knowing it.
And I just feel pain... ><

Some of the tools that he used.





And this is photo can let you have a little bit of idea on the pain I endure.

Sometimes.....

Sometimes I feel I have so much thing to tell. But I don't know how to start. Also don't know is there anyone willing to hear me. Coz everyone seems to be busy with their own trouble to care for others.

Take my recent ear surgery for example. I have updated the condition at here and also at Facebook but the number of friends that actually ask me about it is so limited. I mean some will say they did read about it at my blog but too lazy to comment. Well, how can that possible if you really care for me? My guess for a more possible and logic condition is that they don't even know about it and did not read my blog.

So my blog is just some diary that I write and post to the web and then read it myself.

Even though I always feel I have very few friends. Even though I always told myself lonely can be freedom, but time that I need caring and comfort and support, I just feel so cold.

I am so stressed now. Almost 30 but still like nothing. No house, no car, no lover, no career, and not even health....

Why I am stressed?

My company going to cut head count for my team and change the support hour from 24*7 to 16*5. As I am the last to join the team, I will also be the first to get fired.

My ear is still not recovered from the surgery. I still can't hear well using it. And I start to wonder will I ever recover. Or I should be prepare to be half deaf. I never feel blind, deaf, dumb or lost of limb people is so suffering. I feel a small piece of the iceberg now.

My birthday is coming too. And that also means anniversary for the saddest day in my life. Can feel the kind of pain in my heart and soul that is so deep until I am not able to cry.

So now me going celebrate 27 years old, and knowing that I going to lose my job soon, my ear still not recovered and I am still single.

Am I not good enough? I really wish to know what I should do. When some of those guy who love beat women and call women bitch. Who love to have 2nd, 3rd, 4th lover. Guy who care more for their Manchester United team then their lover can have girlfriend. I wonder why I can't? Am I even worse then them?

When some people who job is to smoke with the boss during office hour and socialize with the boss after hour, can earn more then 5000 a month. I wonder why I am struggling and on the edge to lose my job?

My health perhaps is my fault. For choosing to undertake the surgery. For choosing to lie on the bed instead of going out for jogging. For choosing to eat McD as breakfast instead of a normal porridge.

Now the biggest question that I need to answer now is "What I want to do with my life?". I am like a boat floating in the middle of the ocean. Without any idea on which direction to go. Without any beach that I can see for me to go. Just floating....

I wish GOD can give me a sign. I wish it can just let me earn a fortune thru Lucky Number Draw. But, not going to happen.

我没那种命呀　轮也不会轮到我 - I am not the lucky one. Even if everyone can take their turn, it won't be me.