I am not trully happy.....

You Aren't Truly Happy--Mayday

In the middle of a crowd, you're crying
You only want to be a transparent color
You won't dream again, or get hurt, or have feeling anymore

You've already decided
You've already decided

You're silently enduring
Grasping yesterday tightly in your fist

However, the sweeter the memory, the more it hurts
The more it leaves scores of deep incisions in your hands.

You aren't truly happy
Your smile is only a camouflage you wear

You've decided not to hate and decided not to love any longer
To lock your soul away forever, inside yourself

This world laughed, so you sociably laughed along
You claim existence is a set of rules, And not your choice
So, you hold in tears, drift along, and stumble as you walk

You're not truly happy
Your smile is only a camouflage you wear
You've decided not to hate and decided not to love any longer
To lock your soul away forever, inside yourself

You aren't truly happy
Your wounds are still unwilling to fully heal
I'm standing just to your left,
Yet its like there's a galaxy between us
Don't tell me you're really going to hold on to your regrets until you grow old, only to regret?

You aren't truly happy
Your smile is only a camouflage you wear
You've decided not to hate and decided not to love any longer
To lock your soul away forever, inside yourself

You aren't truly happy
Your wounds are still unwilling to fully heal
Im standing just to your left,
Yet its like theres a galaxy between us

Don't tell me you're really going to hold on to your regrets until you grow old

You deserve to be truly happy
You should strip off your camouflage

After suffering loss, why still be punished?
Can you just let all the sadness end at this moment
and start living once again?


I have heard this song before, but I just hear the rhythm. Not the lyric. Thus I never notice this song suit me so well. The video above have let me see the lyric and this time, I feel want to cry as I watch that video.

I am not truly happy. I see people around me laugh and so I sociably laugh together.
I understand I need to be sociable to survive. I understand a lot of things that I need to do to survive. And these thing is not a choice of mine.
I am just drifting along, stumbling as I walk.

In drama, the girl/main actress will always have a dream. A dream of her future prince of charming, will do a very romantic things to her. And as drama always is dramatic, this prince of charming will appear and do exactly what she dream.

Now I hope the same thing can happen to me. A princess of charming will come and tell me. "I deserve to be trully happy. I should strip off my camourflage"


Some update on my life too... drifting on. surviving.
My left ear still not fully recover. This morning I have a check up with the specialist and he cut some of the inner skin in my ear because it slowly wall up the ear hole. It is so damn pain. And even now, I can feel it is bleeding....
As usual and like 99% people in this world, I need money. My wish list is long but for short term target, I want a new PC and I want to travel.