Sometimes.....

Sometimes I feel I have so much thing to tell. But I don't know how to start. Also don't know is there anyone willing to hear me. Coz everyone seems to be busy with their own trouble to care for others.

Take my recent ear surgery for example. I have updated the condition at here and also at Facebook but the number of friends that actually ask me about it is so limited. I mean some will say they did read about it at my blog but too lazy to comment. Well, how can that possible if you really care for me? My guess for a more possible and logic condition is that they don't even know about it and did not read my blog.

So my blog is just some diary that I write and post to the web and then read it myself.

Even though I always feel I have very few friends. Even though I always told myself lonely can be freedom, but time that I need caring and comfort and support, I just feel so cold.

I am so stressed now. Almost 30 but still like nothing. No house, no car, no lover, no career, and not even health....

Why I am stressed?

My company going to cut head count for my team and change the support hour from 24*7 to 16*5. As I am the last to join the team, I will also be the first to get fired.

My ear is still not recovered from the surgery. I still can't hear well using it. And I start to wonder will I ever recover. Or I should be prepare to be half deaf. I never feel blind, deaf, dumb or lost of limb people is so suffering. I feel a small piece of the iceberg now.

My birthday is coming too. And that also means anniversary for the saddest day in my life. Can feel the kind of pain in my heart and soul that is so deep until I am not able to cry.

So now me going celebrate 27 years old, and knowing that I going to lose my job soon, my ear still not recovered and I am still single.

Am I not good enough? I really wish to know what I should do. When some of those guy who love beat women and call women bitch. Who love to have 2nd, 3rd, 4th lover. Guy who care more for their Manchester United team then their lover can have girlfriend. I wonder why I can't? Am I even worse then them?

When some people who job is to smoke with the boss during office hour and socialize with the boss after hour, can earn more then 5000 a month. I wonder why I am struggling and on the edge to lose my job?

My health perhaps is my fault. For choosing to undertake the surgery. For choosing to lie on the bed instead of going out for jogging. For choosing to eat McD as breakfast instead of a normal porridge.

Now the biggest question that I need to answer now is "What I want to do with my life?". I am like a boat floating in the middle of the ocean. Without any idea on which direction to go. Without any beach that I can see for me to go. Just floating....

I wish GOD can give me a sign. I wish it can just let me earn a fortune thru Lucky Number Draw. But, not going to happen.

我没那种命呀　轮也不会轮到我 - I am not the lucky one. Even if everyone can take their turn, it won't be me.

Post Surgery

12 days past since my surgery for my left ear. Blood still flowing out from my ear and doctor say it is like this wor... So unless my blood flow till I am dead, then my condition is still "normal"? :(

Anyway, today finally open the stitches. Damn the wound so big. My lovely and sexy ear.... I want it back... :'(

(p/s:click on the photo below to see the latest photo but beware, I warn you first, if eating then better don't see it.)



One more thing want to share with you all is about painkiller. Can you all guess what kind of medicine did the hospital give to me as painkiller? Not morphine or heroin or any other drug. It is the same common medicine that everyone should have eat it once in their life. It is Panadol. Yes the same Panadol that you can buy at 7 eleven is the pain killer that hospital give to me.

Did it works? Well honestly it did work but also let me understand, next time got headache, don't eat Panadol. Coz Panadol is not like cough or flu medicine. It did not help to cure it. Just reduce your pain feeling so that you taught you are cured.

After surgery....

Yes I am still alive. So it means that the left ear surgery is success.

How am I now? Apart from my left ear, and a bit of sore throat, I am fine.
My left ear now quite a problem, coz blood is dripping from it and I have to put a cotton on the ear hole to prevent blood from flowing out. But even with the cotton, the blood dripping out so much that I left blood stain on the pillow in hospital.



Now how is my pretty lovely sexy left ear?





My left hand is getting a 2 inch needle inject into my blood vines during the surgery.



So beside this 2 places and my throat, the rest is really fine. Well maybe not too. Coz I am put into deep sleep during the surgery. So I am not sure did they try any inception on me. If you all notice that I am weird or different from before survery, do tell me. :P

Aftershock vs Legend of Chen Zhen

Yesterday watch 2 chinese movie. One from Hong Kong. Another from China.

The 2 movie is good example of what a good story can do to a movie.

The first movie Legend Of Chen Zhen(精武風雲．陳真) is made by Hong Kong. With Donnie Yan (Ip Man), Hsu Qi, Wong Chau Sheng etc as its cast. And background story of Donnie Yan as the legendary Chen Zhen. If you are not sure who is Chen Zhen then please watch back Bruce Lee movie Jing Mou Mun. With Donnie Yan doing what he do the best, beating up the bad guy. With Hsu Qi as the sexy singer/hostess, and with Chau Sheng as a underworld tycoon, yet the whole movie is a failure. Story that fail to create drama, building up suspense or have any twist. It is not suprise at all. And the hero that suppose to save the world, well it just feel like Ip Man now trying to be Spiderman. Especially when this guy always stand at the roof looking at the Shanghai city.



Now the second movie is a much more different movie. The movie name is Aftershock(唐山大地震) The cast of the movie is not someone famous. At least I only recognize two name in the movie. The director Fong Xiao Kang and the actress that act as the grown-up daughter. The story is a tragedy and touching one. It is not that complicate without any love story, complicate motive, conspiracy. Yet the core of the movie is the great acting by the cast and thus most people who watch this movie will be crying. Yes I did cry.



Anyway, a few weeks back, when I watch Ip Man 2, I mention that, the reason that Ip Man 2 great is not Donnie Yan fighting skill. It is the story and director ability in presenting this story in such a way that the drama, the suspense, the mood is slowly build up. And so the first movie Legend of Chen Zhen that I watch show how true this is, coz it still is Donnie Yan fighting. But it is not even 10% as good as Ip Man 2. The 2nd movie, with a good director, succeed in making a good movie.

P/s: Aftershock(唐山大地震).. Highly recommended but prepare some tissue. I purposely don't mention anything about the story so that you all can watch it yourself.

Countdown....6 more days.....

So abt my cat lover photo and video? no one like it? coz dun see any comment. :P

Anyway, about my left ear hearing problem, right now all seems ok. I can hear normally.
But like the specialist say, this is just temporary solution. I know he is telling me the truth, coz it is my ear anyway. I know if now I use cotton to try clean the ear, it may cause the middle ear wall to swollen again and causing the airway to close. Thus making me lost hearing ability for left ear. Well not fully lost, I just can't hear outside sound, but I can hear my own hearbeat. Something like when we cover our own ear and concentrate, we can hear the internal heartbeat sound.

Specialist suggestion is to perform a surgery on my left ear. Make a cut behind the left ear, remove the bone that is hardened and then see new bone growth. If everything is ok then good. Else they may need to do something else.

Typical answer from a specialist, "I will do my best to cure you but I won't guarantee you are cured. And you need to pay even if not cured."

However I wish to be really cured and healthy again.... So I choose to undergo this operation. Scheduled to do it on 30th September 2010. Probably lose hearing again for a few days after the operation. And maybe some headache or body balance problem....

If you interested to know more, can read the medical term at this website.

For all my kitty cat lover friends

I never know that I am so in love of these cute darling. But when I see cute video or photo of them, I just feel I need to share them out. (><)

Kitty that hide inside the crouch.

Whack A Kitty.

Kitty looking for food.

Kitty Begging for Food.

Sleepy Kitty.

Mean Kitty.

Tom And Jerry?

Suprised Kitty

Playful Kitty

Cute cat photo

Finally, warning to all my Kitty Cat Lover friends

Life is always full of bump and turn

Life is always full of bump and turn. It is hard to have a straight smooth road in front of you. That is what I can say about what happen recently.

When I see the racist issue that starts again in Malaysia, I just feel bad. I really feel want to comment or just write down my taught about it but too bad, I am in Malaysia. Not a place that really support “Free thinking, Free speech ” country.

So let’s talk about other bump that happening to me. Since August 27, my left ear have some hearing problem. Or I should say since years ago. Anyway the story is quite dramatic and long. But the summary is now my left ear is half deaf. I can’t hear sound from outside. But if I concentrate, I will be able to hear my own heart beat using my left ear. The specialist say there is acne at the middle part of my ear airway, causing the wall to swollen so much that it blocked the airway. Thus I can’t hear voice from outside.
Tomorrow I will visit this specialist again. Let see is there any solution to my problem or that I will be like this for the rest of my life.

Another bump. My trip to HK is gone. I am not sure is there recent change to policy or it is due to travel season in HK, but the price for accommodation and airplane ticket to HK has gone so high that it is almost same as going to Taiwan. So now, bye bye HK. Maybe next time.

And Taiwan welcome me, pls. I am coming on 14 Nov and will be there till 21 Nov. Expected to spend this year birthday at Taiwan. So excited when I think about it.

Now why would I say this as bump coz when you can travel it is a great things.
Well this I have to relate back to my last trip. Last year I plan for Taiwan trip and I ended up going to Korea. This year I plan for HK trip and I ended up going Taiwan. So if next I plan to go Australia, will I ended up travel to Hokkaido? Just another turn that always remind me, we don't get what we want but still it may not be a bad thing at all. :P