Good bye 2010

Now left 4 more days before 2011 come. So it is time for me to glance back what have happen this whole year for me.

So let see what are the big things that have happened to me(Not in any particular order)
1. Left my lousy old company finally.
Been hoping to left it since 2-3 years back. A lot really happen that keep me tied to this company. Meet a lot of good friend and 2 important girl in my life. But all this is not important, as I have left. I did get a call recently by head hunter company, asking am I interested to go back. The salary offer is not attractive though. Coz it is lower then what the company offer me, when I tender my resignation letter. So when they ask me am I interested, you can guess the answer I will give.

2. Work in one of the highest building in the world.
My company office is at 63rd floor of Petronas Tower (more commonly known as KLCC). Now if anyone of you have seen the photo of this building, you will notice the bridge at between the towers. This bridge is at 41st and 42nd floor and the brige is approximately 58 meter above ground. So estimate that I am around 70 meter above ground when I work at 63rd floor.

So what so nice about working at tall building?

First of course is the view. At 63rd floor, you can see most of KL from the office. And you will be even higher compare to Public Bank, AM Bank and other office around KLCC. Meaning, their CEO is at lower level compare to you.

Second is also related to the view, one normally pay RM500 for a dinner at top of KL Tower because of the nice view. And I can just order McD and eat inside the office enjoying the nice view. Plus I can do it anytime I like. So I can enjoy the morning sun rise view, or the night view. Unlike KL Tower restaurant which obviously won't operate at sun rise time. :P

Third, I kind of got used to tall building view, that I am not particular interested to visit other tall building around the world. Like when I am at Taiwan, other tourist will flock to Taipei 101. I prefer to shop around.

3. Also related to 2nd big thing
My office move from this tall building... :(
And so bye bye to the superb view. I really looking forward to spending new year countdown from my office. I can thus see the firework from the office instead of pushing in the crowd for a better view.

4. Gone for 2 country this year.
First is to Thailand, Bangkok. A very nice relaxing trip. Coz this time I go free and easy tour with destination time etc decided by me and not some tourist guide or agency. (^^)
Second destination is Taiwan trip. It is 8 days 7 night. The trip well not as good as I wish it could be. The food is great. The place to walk is good and the hotel for accomodation is fantastic.
However the tour arrangement is bad. Too much of shopping at "guide recommended" shop. And as you expect from these kind of shop, the item price is a few time more then any other place. Imagine Rm650 for some Royal Jelly Honey. I rather get something better like Ginseng or Bird Nest etc.

5. Hospital operation twice in 2 month time.
First one at October and then second one at December. Both for my left ear. And even now, i yet to fully recover from it. No idea when I can really fully healthy again as I wish.... :(

6. My sister getting married.
Yes, my dear sister finally get married. I am so happy about this. Not coz I love my sister or happy for her. I am happy coz finally no one will be around to fight for PC usage with me anymore. Hooray.
I plan to occupy her room and change it to my private PC Gaming room too. SO I can get a LCD TV with PS3 or Xbox or Wii but bad news for this part is, my mother want to keep that room as her. So that she still have a room in our house. Haiz... I always have a bit of feeling that my mother love and care for her more then for me. Oh well... still no one fight for PC with me is a good thing.

7. World Cup Fever in the middle of the year.
Spain won the World Cup but this world cup is still full of suprise. Well at least it is not so suprise to me. After all football match nowadays is not about everyone doing their best to win the match for the glory of the nation. It is about how to "act" convincingly so that other fans will bet "wrongly" in the game and let the banker win it all. Banker of course will have a share given to these player(This statement is what I believe to be true. I have no proof of that and I am not going to hear anyone disagree with me).

8. Year of marriage
2010 is kind of year for marriage. Friends around me is getting engaged or married. I did not notice the reason behind but now I know. Coz next year is rabbit and next next year is Dragon. If you want to have a Dragon baby, you better get married this year, get pregnant next year.

Anyway, without this reason, it still is year that my peers should start consider about marriage.


Ok that is all I can think of for my 2010. Kind of full of changes and accident with the world around me continue the flow of nature.

So what I wish to do for 2011? I think I should start with making a bit of changes in my life. By officially annouce that I am single available and desperate in FB......

Good bye 2010

Season of Marriage

Seems like more of my friend decided on their partner for life. Last weekend, I attended 2 wedding dinner for my friend. And in the dinner, I heard 2 more friend that is arranging their wedding. Either registered, or accepted their bf proposal.

See them one by one walking to the "graveyard" of love, I kind of envy and jealous. Where is mine?

I start to believe, love is not a logic thing. Not a mathematic equation. You can't explain in term of science or using reasonable words. Just like you never know why you are not the one for him/her. You just know that you and him/her is not fated. Not destined for each other.

So my mom keep ask me why no date anyone, I can only say my yuen fen not yet arrive.

Oh yeah, I did pray at Taiwan temple, ask for a sign again. This time the answer I get is "marriage going to be late".

Taiwan Trip

Have a very special birthday this year. Spend the birthday in Taiwan. Although do not have any birthday cake but a lot of people wish me in Facebook.

The photo for Taiwan trip is too many to upload all here.
I will just upload those that is panaroma shot and the rest you need to find in my Facebook.

3 more days....

3 more days and it gonna mark 2 years have past.

Have I die heart yet? I guess yes but I really can guess only. I don't know what I will really feel or do if I see her again...

My Mom always nag me and ask me to find a girl friend.
But I wonder can I really love anyone anymore? Feel like I am avoiding love.

Some people say each person must find 2 person first before getting married with the 3rd person. One person is the one that love you the most and the other person is the one that you love the most. It is say only after you learn how to be love and how to love, then only you can get married and happily ever after. I have meet both. The one that love me the most, "Ah Sia". And the one that I love the most, "Kai Mui".

So if really this third person appear will it be happily everafter? Right now I doubt I can even confess love to anyone even if that person appear. If she is the one, then God need to arrange for her to say that she love me too. Else I won't know.

3 more days, and it gonna be 15 November. Last year I try cheer myself up with expensive handphone gift. Doesn't work too well. This year, I will try oversea trip. Hope it will work.

Taiwan, wait for me, I will come. And please pray for a good weather. No typhoon or earthquake please....

Ear surgery update...

The doctor say my ear hole is slowly covered by the new skin that grow inside my ear.
He perform a small internal surgery. Cut my skin without me knowing it.
And I just feel pain... ><

Some of the tools that he used.





And this is photo can let you have a little bit of idea on the pain I endure.

Sometimes.....

Sometimes I feel I have so much thing to tell. But I don't know how to start. Also don't know is there anyone willing to hear me. Coz everyone seems to be busy with their own trouble to care for others.

Take my recent ear surgery for example. I have updated the condition at here and also at Facebook but the number of friends that actually ask me about it is so limited. I mean some will say they did read about it at my blog but too lazy to comment. Well, how can that possible if you really care for me? My guess for a more possible and logic condition is that they don't even know about it and did not read my blog.

So my blog is just some diary that I write and post to the web and then read it myself.

Even though I always feel I have very few friends. Even though I always told myself lonely can be freedom, but time that I need caring and comfort and support, I just feel so cold.

I am so stressed now. Almost 30 but still like nothing. No house, no car, no lover, no career, and not even health....

Why I am stressed?

My company going to cut head count for my team and change the support hour from 24*7 to 16*5. As I am the last to join the team, I will also be the first to get fired.

My ear is still not recovered from the surgery. I still can't hear well using it. And I start to wonder will I ever recover. Or I should be prepare to be half deaf. I never feel blind, deaf, dumb or lost of limb people is so suffering. I feel a small piece of the iceberg now.

My birthday is coming too. And that also means anniversary for the saddest day in my life. Can feel the kind of pain in my heart and soul that is so deep until I am not able to cry.

So now me going celebrate 27 years old, and knowing that I going to lose my job soon, my ear still not recovered and I am still single.

Am I not good enough? I really wish to know what I should do. When some of those guy who love beat women and call women bitch. Who love to have 2nd, 3rd, 4th lover. Guy who care more for their Manchester United team then their lover can have girlfriend. I wonder why I can't? Am I even worse then them?

When some people who job is to smoke with the boss during office hour and socialize with the boss after hour, can earn more then 5000 a month. I wonder why I am struggling and on the edge to lose my job?

My health perhaps is my fault. For choosing to undertake the surgery. For choosing to lie on the bed instead of going out for jogging. For choosing to eat McD as breakfast instead of a normal porridge.

Now the biggest question that I need to answer now is "What I want to do with my life?". I am like a boat floating in the middle of the ocean. Without any idea on which direction to go. Without any beach that I can see for me to go. Just floating....

I wish GOD can give me a sign. I wish it can just let me earn a fortune thru Lucky Number Draw. But, not going to happen.

我没那种命呀　轮也不会轮到我 - I am not the lucky one. Even if everyone can take their turn, it won't be me.

Post Surgery

12 days past since my surgery for my left ear. Blood still flowing out from my ear and doctor say it is like this wor... So unless my blood flow till I am dead, then my condition is still "normal"? :(

Anyway, today finally open the stitches. Damn the wound so big. My lovely and sexy ear.... I want it back... :'(

(p/s:click on the photo below to see the latest photo but beware, I warn you first, if eating then better don't see it.)



One more thing want to share with you all is about painkiller. Can you all guess what kind of medicine did the hospital give to me as painkiller? Not morphine or heroin or any other drug. It is the same common medicine that everyone should have eat it once in their life. It is Panadol. Yes the same Panadol that you can buy at 7 eleven is the pain killer that hospital give to me.

Did it works? Well honestly it did work but also let me understand, next time got headache, don't eat Panadol. Coz Panadol is not like cough or flu medicine. It did not help to cure it. Just reduce your pain feeling so that you taught you are cured.

After surgery....

Yes I am still alive. So it means that the left ear surgery is success.

How am I now? Apart from my left ear, and a bit of sore throat, I am fine.
My left ear now quite a problem, coz blood is dripping from it and I have to put a cotton on the ear hole to prevent blood from flowing out. But even with the cotton, the blood dripping out so much that I left blood stain on the pillow in hospital.



Now how is my pretty lovely sexy left ear?





My left hand is getting a 2 inch needle inject into my blood vines during the surgery.



So beside this 2 places and my throat, the rest is really fine. Well maybe not too. Coz I am put into deep sleep during the surgery. So I am not sure did they try any inception on me. If you all notice that I am weird or different from before survery, do tell me. :P

Aftershock vs Legend of Chen Zhen

Yesterday watch 2 chinese movie. One from Hong Kong. Another from China.

The 2 movie is good example of what a good story can do to a movie.

The first movie Legend Of Chen Zhen(精武風雲．陳真) is made by Hong Kong. With Donnie Yan (Ip Man), Hsu Qi, Wong Chau Sheng etc as its cast. And background story of Donnie Yan as the legendary Chen Zhen. If you are not sure who is Chen Zhen then please watch back Bruce Lee movie Jing Mou Mun. With Donnie Yan doing what he do the best, beating up the bad guy. With Hsu Qi as the sexy singer/hostess, and with Chau Sheng as a underworld tycoon, yet the whole movie is a failure. Story that fail to create drama, building up suspense or have any twist. It is not suprise at all. And the hero that suppose to save the world, well it just feel like Ip Man now trying to be Spiderman. Especially when this guy always stand at the roof looking at the Shanghai city.



Now the second movie is a much more different movie. The movie name is Aftershock(唐山大地震) The cast of the movie is not someone famous. At least I only recognize two name in the movie. The director Fong Xiao Kang and the actress that act as the grown-up daughter. The story is a tragedy and touching one. It is not that complicate without any love story, complicate motive, conspiracy. Yet the core of the movie is the great acting by the cast and thus most people who watch this movie will be crying. Yes I did cry.



Anyway, a few weeks back, when I watch Ip Man 2, I mention that, the reason that Ip Man 2 great is not Donnie Yan fighting skill. It is the story and director ability in presenting this story in such a way that the drama, the suspense, the mood is slowly build up. And so the first movie Legend of Chen Zhen that I watch show how true this is, coz it still is Donnie Yan fighting. But it is not even 10% as good as Ip Man 2. The 2nd movie, with a good director, succeed in making a good movie.

P/s: Aftershock(唐山大地震).. Highly recommended but prepare some tissue. I purposely don't mention anything about the story so that you all can watch it yourself.

Countdown....6 more days.....

So abt my cat lover photo and video? no one like it? coz dun see any comment. :P

Anyway, about my left ear hearing problem, right now all seems ok. I can hear normally.
But like the specialist say, this is just temporary solution. I know he is telling me the truth, coz it is my ear anyway. I know if now I use cotton to try clean the ear, it may cause the middle ear wall to swollen again and causing the airway to close. Thus making me lost hearing ability for left ear. Well not fully lost, I just can't hear outside sound, but I can hear my own hearbeat. Something like when we cover our own ear and concentrate, we can hear the internal heartbeat sound.

Specialist suggestion is to perform a surgery on my left ear. Make a cut behind the left ear, remove the bone that is hardened and then see new bone growth. If everything is ok then good. Else they may need to do something else.

Typical answer from a specialist, "I will do my best to cure you but I won't guarantee you are cured. And you need to pay even if not cured."

However I wish to be really cured and healthy again.... So I choose to undergo this operation. Scheduled to do it on 30th September 2010. Probably lose hearing again for a few days after the operation. And maybe some headache or body balance problem....

If you interested to know more, can read the medical term at this website.

For all my kitty cat lover friends

I never know that I am so in love of these cute darling. But when I see cute video or photo of them, I just feel I need to share them out. (><)

Kitty that hide inside the crouch.

Whack A Kitty.

Kitty looking for food.

Kitty Begging for Food.

Sleepy Kitty.

Mean Kitty.

Tom And Jerry?

Suprised Kitty

Playful Kitty

Cute cat photo

Finally, warning to all my Kitty Cat Lover friends

Life is always full of bump and turn

Life is always full of bump and turn. It is hard to have a straight smooth road in front of you. That is what I can say about what happen recently.

When I see the racist issue that starts again in Malaysia, I just feel bad. I really feel want to comment or just write down my taught about it but too bad, I am in Malaysia. Not a place that really support “Free thinking, Free speech ” country.

So let’s talk about other bump that happening to me. Since August 27, my left ear have some hearing problem. Or I should say since years ago. Anyway the story is quite dramatic and long. But the summary is now my left ear is half deaf. I can’t hear sound from outside. But if I concentrate, I will be able to hear my own heart beat using my left ear. The specialist say there is acne at the middle part of my ear airway, causing the wall to swollen so much that it blocked the airway. Thus I can’t hear voice from outside.
Tomorrow I will visit this specialist again. Let see is there any solution to my problem or that I will be like this for the rest of my life.

Another bump. My trip to HK is gone. I am not sure is there recent change to policy or it is due to travel season in HK, but the price for accommodation and airplane ticket to HK has gone so high that it is almost same as going to Taiwan. So now, bye bye HK. Maybe next time.

And Taiwan welcome me, pls. I am coming on 14 Nov and will be there till 21 Nov. Expected to spend this year birthday at Taiwan. So excited when I think about it.

Now why would I say this as bump coz when you can travel it is a great things.
Well this I have to relate back to my last trip. Last year I plan for Taiwan trip and I ended up going to Korea. This year I plan for HK trip and I ended up going Taiwan. So if next I plan to go Australia, will I ended up travel to Hokkaido? Just another turn that always remind me, we don't get what we want but still it may not be a bad thing at all. :P

Dream

Dream is a simple words but can have many different meaning.

But what I want to share is about a dream movie I watch yesterday.
Movie name is Inception.

It story basically means there is people with the ability to go into your dream world and then slowly find your hidden secret in your subconscious mind. To be honest the whole idea is very unbelievable to me cause the movie make it sound like so simple.

Just give the person some medicine that will make them sleep in a stable and peacefully. Stable in a way that unless a very specific way is use. Else you can't be wake up. Like even if I slap you face also you won't be waking up. Only when I drown you in the water, you will wake up.

If really such a medicine exist, it gonna be wonderful for surgery/medical I guess. Coz it sound less side effect compare to the morphine etc that is used now.

Anyway, once you can accept this part, by just tell yourself, this is a movie, then you can have enjoyable time of going to dream world.

It is quite fascinating to see that you can control the dream world. Mess with the normal physic, build a bridge in front of you when you want.

Too bad I dun know how to do it. Else I will imagine a Ferrari or Bugatti Veyron for me to drive. :P

The movie introduce a very interesting idea. One that I do believe is real. The time in a dream is not same with real life. So if you in first dream world, 5 minute may means hours in real life. And if you go deeper, it can go for days. At 3rd level you can be in dream world for years when you are just sleeping for a night. That means you can experience your teenage time again and again provided you can control your dream and imagine the different path of life that you possibly take in your life.

Give life a 2nd chance. Something that many people wish.

Oh yeah.... one more thing need to share is, after watch movie, you possibly tell yourself. I don't want to dream anymore. :P

I want this... I want that....

Have you ever feel you want to have this and you want to have that but you just can't?

Everyone do, right?

Recently my company have staff performance evaluation. Normal staff where the boss and you have a personal talk that boss will tell you what he hope or expect from you. You need to show what you want like to be transfer to another dept, or to progress in your career.

This part is where I guess I fail. Coz I never really think of what I wish to do in my career. My aim is just to earn more money and satisfy my other craving in life. Coz I already give up on those so called dream job or job that I do what I like. I mean dream job like getting 10k a month and doing nothing etc. Or be able to do what I like as a job. Coz what I like is play game. So can I be a professional game player? I am sure I can't.

So when boss tell me, I am now XX age. I should think of what I want or how I want to progress in my career. If really want to think of what I want, I can make a long long list.

Like first, I want to travel to Hokkaido, Japan. To this place :

Also want to go a lot of other place to travel and see those pretty scene with my own eyes.

But then even simple thing that I want also I may not be able to achieve.

Like I just want someone to go watch a movie with me. And even that also I can't seems to find anyone to do that with me...

Well I guess I have to go alone...

Divine message to my future LOVE

Today gone to Thean Hou Gong for prayers. I try to qiu qian or divination for the love Omen and guess what is the answer I got...

總是前途莫心勞，求神問聖枉是多；
但看雞犬日過後，不須作福事如何

This means... God Helps Those Who Help Themselves.

Your future is in your own hands. Wok hard for it and don't resign entirely to divine help. Cheer up, good tidings will be forthcoming for you.


So God is really great. Coz it really tell me the most correct way for what I wish to ask. I maybe should be the one that take first step first instead of sit here waiting.

And thus I go online search. Another explaination is that I should just relax. Take it easy like Long Vacation. Coz after 雞犬日 thing I wish will show. 雞犬日 can means time, day, months and year. For my situation I believe is either months or year. And that means after August and September if it is month. Which is a good thing coz October not too far away from me now. (^^)

And Roster and Dog year if year. Which is very bad coz Now is just 2010 and to wait for Dog year to pass, that will be 2019. 9 more years.

So my future love gonna be waiting for in October 2010? or in 2019?

I think better trust myself. And enjoy my freedom now first. After all, marriage is a very scary thing. :P

Gift...禮物

A song that I love very much. Coz the lyric feel so suitable to me...
Sing by 劉力揚

劉力揚-禮物
Liu li yang- Gift


终於可以在今天划上句点
Finally there is an end to things today.
一整夜 翻阅过去画面
Spending the whole night, reminiscing
快想不起我们为何会诀别
Almost forgetting why we parted
只看到那双你送的鞋
Only looking at the shoes you gave me
走一步又一步 我才发现绕了个圈
Taking step, and another. Then, I realised that I've walked a circle
走了好几年 又回到原点
Being together for some years and we return to square one.
你送的礼物 会不会太特别
The present that you sent, isn't it too special?
毫不避讳 那不安的传言
Totally disregarding any taboo of the unsettling rumour
但渐行渐远 习惯到没感觉
Yet gradually we drift apart, become so familiar with each other that we lose our feelings
难道你早想要我走远
Perhaps, you've long wanted me to leave
你送的礼物 在此刻好体贴
The present that you sent. At this moment, it's especially thoughtfully.
陪我回忆 把过往走一遍
Accompanying me while I remember, going through my past memories
穿了这些年 难免会有污点
Wearing it all these years, some stains are unavoidable
就像每段爱 总会有终点
Like every love story, would always have an ending.
世上最残酷的 恐怕是时间 困住人 一切却还向前
The cruelest horror on earth is time trapping one while everything else moves forwards
乾涸的眼再挤不出一点咸 爱到如此可悲的境界
Eyes that are so dry that a single tear won't drop (Dry eyes that won't even squeeze a drop of saltiness)
Loving till such a pathetic state
走一步又一步 却跟不上你的脚步
Taking a step, then another. Yet I can't catch up with your footsteps
你满意了 为什麼我却只想要哭
You are satisfied. Why do I feel like crying instead?
你说做自己吧 我们都做回自己 哦~
You told me to be myself. Both of us to return to who we were
不要再为爱受委屈
Not to feel any grievance because of love again.
你送的礼物 原来是一场劫
The present that you sent, was actually a misfortune
终於分别 夙命一样准确
Finally parted, as accurate as our fated destiny
可笑到想要 你赔给我时间
Such a joke to the point I wanted you return me time
爱情有时廉价得可怜
Love is sometimes pitiably cheap
光著脚我一路奔跑 鲜血泪水一路狂飙
I ran back home barefooted, fresh blood and tears pouring all the way
收起我的骄傲 承认曾经备受煎熬
Keeping my pride, admiting that I was once prepared to be hurt
鞋上那记号 只有你能明了
The mark on the shoes, you're the only one that fully understands
过了这一夜 我就全忘掉
After tonight, I would forget everything.

Addition: The context of the song hinges on the superstition that if you give shoes to someone, the person will leave you.


The gift you give to me is really a misfortune....

Memory of KLCC

Forget to share with you all. My company have move from KLCC building. No more magnificent view that accompany when I eat dinner.

So now.. these are the memory photo that I gonna treasure coz I know I won't be able to take them again. Unless I work for Petronas or as KLCC building management staff aka cleaner or security guard.

















(note... These photo some is taken from same spot but different day. Thus the sky etc may not look the same.