Dilemma....

Sometimes I really don't know why I want to do this to my own life. I know I want to earn more money. I know I want to enjoy life. I know I wish to have 5 figure salary. But I just can't find the motivation to do it.

Unknown to most of my friend, even to my closest friend, I am actually a very lazy and timid person. I don't like to face confrontation, always feel is it I am wrong first. Some friend say I look confidence, but actually I just try hard to look like one. Sometimes I hope that I can find a lover. Someone that will support me at behind, so that I can continue move forward.

Chinese New Year have pass by. And that means I am 29 years old now if use Chinese way of counting age. I am not young anymore, do not have much time left.

Before the Chinese New Year, I suddenly feel want to buy my car plate number as the lucky number draw. But before I bought it, my car plate number is drawn as First Prize. If I buy, I will earn RM30,000. This sound like great but for most of my colleague, those consultant, RM30,000 is not much. Just 2-3 months salary. They can afford to buy LV, Prada handbag when I need to think deeply just for a RM3,000 PC.

Money, money, money, why are you so hard to be earn yet so desired by everyone. But to earn you, I will need to prepare.
Need to wear a mask everyday. A mask with a smile. I will also need to prepare bow and arrow, to shoot everyone, and a shield to prepare for any attack that will come from anywhere.

Dilemma, I really do not know what to choose. Maybe I should not say choose. I should say scare to make the decision. The correct choice is already made in my heart but I am afraid of the future with this choice.